When I was pregnant we called her "Baby Bluebird". Lupine Bluebird. My second born. My girl. Born at the right time to reap the rewards of all that we learned so far. Born at home, like her brother, but into a much different world.
Born to a more confident mother.
A more experienced mother.
A mother free of the worry that had clouded and haunted her first steps into motherhood.
Born to a mom and dad who were ready to embrace life as four, rather than worried that they might get it wrong.
During my pregnancy Lupine was a glowing, swirling, ball of light in my belly. Happiness incarnate, shining out from inside of me. Magical in every way. Pure joy! Reflecting back, I remember that time so clearly now…
We had just moved. I was very pregnant and our house was very… wallpapered. We stripped paper and painted and stripped paper and painted some more. My due date came and went. A week. Still painting. Just a few. More. Rooms.
We had taken on a house-mate for the season, the brother of a friend. Caleb, in need of a place to stay and us, new to Viroqua feeling very open and full of community spirit. So we took him in. The fact that I was planning a homebirth with someone else living in my house didn't phase me a bit for some reason. He was (and is) a great cook and was a welcome addition for the time (and he made the best peanut butter cookies I had ever tasted).
Caleb said to Pete one night (long after my due date had quietly passed), "It's time to put away the to-do list. It will never be done, so call it done enough. Let this baby come."
I took his words to heart. We finished painting one more room while I mulled over the wisdom of what he had said. And then on November 9th I put Sage to bed, still thinking over what he had told us. "Okay," I thought. "It's done enough."
And into the darkness of Sage's bedroom I said softly aloud, "Okay, Baby Bluebird. We're ready for you now. You can come when ever you're ready."
A moment later I added in my head, "And Caleb, I could really use some peanut butter cookies."
Sage was asleep. I extracted 9 month-and-ten-days pregnant body from his bed and headed towards the kitchen. As I walked into the room Caleb, standing at the counter, turned to face me. "I'm making peanut butter cookies," he said. "Want some?"
I smiled. "Of course you are and of yes I do. And if you heard that request shot out into the universe, I think I'm having a baby tonight."
Two hours later my labor began.
As the first light broke the following morning and the first snowfall of the year began to fall, Lupine was ready. She was born before the warm fire in our family room into the warm and welcoming waters of our birth pool and the warm and loving arms of Family. As we birthed I felt all the stars in the universe streaming in through my crown, down through my core, and into her. Like a endless wide river. Her soul came in as she came out. It was peaceful, magical, and unforgettable.
Five years ago. Five magical years.
I love you Lupine Bluebird Wolf. You are magic. You are determination. You are joy and laughter and stardust. You are my girl. Thank you for choosing me to be your mama. Happy birthday, Baby Bluebird.
P.S. Thanks you to Gretchen, Erin, Pete, and Ina for the blessing you brought that snowing day. And to Caleb for the perfectly timed cookies and good advice. Love to all.