I See You.

I was so moved by your comments yesterday about what makes your child sparkle. Many of you know your kids so well. You see their soul – and their gifts – shining out.

But sometimes I know it isn't so easy. Plenty of you didn't comment (some because you don't comment as a rule, but others I suspect because that question was really hard.) Sometimes it's hard to see their gifts.

I acknowledge this to give you clearance to say "I don't really know what my child's sparkle is. Right now it's just hard." Because sometimes it's like that. I've been there. Really. I remember the first time I asked myself that question and I drew nothing but a blank.

But now? I get them. I see them. I feel them. You will too. With time. Find patience for yourself and your child. It will come.

For those of you who struggled with seeing your child's gifts, start watching. Be aware of the moments that make you smile more than the ones that make your grimace. Ask your partner. Your parents. Their friends. And soon a lovely picture of your child will start to emerge.

And sometimes seeing them from this new, appreciative vantage point will change the course of your day. Maybe even your relationship. It wouldn't hurt to do the same thing for yourself too. Becuase seeing yourself from a place of love and appreciation tends to spill over into how you see those around you.

I realized that I didn't participate in yesterday's kid-love-fest. So here I am with my contribution. Because I do so want to participate. In so many ways I think motherhood changed everything, and these two are where that transformation happened for me. 


Mister Sage. You are funny. Sharp. Wise beyond your years. You are my Sage in so many ways. You are also a study in contrast – quiet and rowdy, sensitive and oblivious, innocence and mischief. You are aware of the subtle energy around us, imperceptible by most. You feel. So much. And I honor that.

You taught me how to mother. You transformed me.


And Lupine, I am crazy about you in so many ways. Determined and strong, you know where you are going. I have no doubts you will get exactly where you choose to be. You are sweet and kind and nurturing, aware of the feelings of all who surround you. You are drawn to beauty and distracted  by faeries and magic and light. You are stardust. I can see your magic as you move through the room. I think we all can.

You sparkle. Constantly. 

Thank you both for choosing me. For choosing us. To be your family. We came together to learn and grow, challenge and be challenged, to transform and evolve. I'm up for that challenge. I embrace it.

I respect you. I like you. I love you. I trust you. I am your mama, and you will always occupy most of the space in my heart.

22 thoughts on “I See You.

  1. Erica says:

    I saw something on tv last night where a parent said that they try to compliment their child 10 times more than every “correction”….I liked the mindfulness behind it…it reminded me of your post. 🙂

  2. Nahuatl Vargas says:

    I always feel embarrassed to speak out my child gifts, I think is presumptuous or that my opinion on that will not be take as valuable since I am the mom.

    But I do see them and let him know, and thank him for having choose me.

  3. Cassandra says:

    Ooh! I didn’t have a chance to see the last post yet. I am going to do my response here…

    My 20 year old baby girl. She taught me how to be a mommy when I was just a baby myself. To think about someone else but myself. To give. To become a better person. She was patient with my rookie mistakes…and her sense of humor and clever mind sparkled. Today she sparkles at UW-Madison. I hope they notice.

    My 4 year old little boy. He sparkles with curiosity and laughter (just like his daddy). He looks like a teddy bear. I cant’s keep my fingers out of his curls. He may grow up to have a dignified, self-assured sparkle.

    My 2 year old baby bear. He sparkles with his amusing observations and high energy. He completely melts into me with his hugs. When he grows up, he won’t keep a lid on his sparkle.

  4. Monica says:

    I forgot to tell you how your story and words have already helped me! My 2.5 yo and I have a custom of going to the library on Sunday afternoons together, just the two of us. In the beginning, she used to make me nervous, always wanting to wander off during check-out time because she’d get bored waiting. Eventually, together, we came up with a list of “library rules”, and I feel so proud of her that she tries so hard during our 20-30 mins. in there. Then, the last time we were there, she just couldn’t keep that SPARKLE in! 🙂 While I was checking out our books, she started inching up the handicap accessible ramp, and suddenly she was off, racing through the library, every so often turning around to make sure I was following. During this chase scene, I looked down at the circulation desk from the second floor to see three librarians watching us, grinning. I was embarrassed and annoyed in that moment, but when I finally caught up to her, it was your story about that other little girl that totally helped me keep my cool. Thank you for that gentle reminder to let our kids sparkle.

  5. soraya sus says:

    I love it. I feel the same for my girls. I also have to say I am so ashamed of the many times I have complained about my children. Thanks for writing this beautiful words for your daughters and also for sharing with us.

  6. Ms. Smoochy says:

    Morning Rachael, your last post had tears sliding down my face. My husband and I are currently trying to break the mold of our ugly punitive parenting style… and most days failing. I come here to be uplifted and inspired all the time, but this takes it to a new level. This series on peaceful non-violent parenting is what we NEED RIGHT NOW. I have three amazing sparkling kids that deserve it in a big way. Thank you.

  7. knittingmole says:

    Rachel, you’re making me cry at work again! 🙂 And I haven’t even read the original post yet…getting the kleenex ready….

  8. Rachel Wolf says:

    I read this out loud to Pete tonight. And at the heart of why I am writing about this topic is mamas like you. A comment (further down from here) talks about the deep hurts and the concept that we can not judge where others are at. And I agree. But in truth, I’m writing for mamas like you and like me. Who do pretty well on a normal day but who can – and are inspired to – do better each day. Thank you with all of my heart for sharing this. You made me cry a little.

  9. Rachel Wolf says:

    Oh, mama. It took me a long time. Sage and I had some new dance steps to learn before I could see him. I had friends who could see their kids immediately. I could not. But now? I see them clearly. With my heart.

  10. Rachel Wolf says:

    So wonderful. Know that you are starting from here and moving up. Everyday. Even the terrible days are clarifying as to where you want to go from there. You are transforming. What an amazing gift for your children. And for yourselves.

  11. Trinitee says:

    I didn’t comment for your original post, but I read all of the comments, and it made my heart happy. I see my 2 year old sparkle every day. My challenge is slowing down enough to enjoy each moment. It’s beautiful to find a community online who shares a similar journey- online is never a place I’d though to look for community, yet here it is. Thank you for creating this venue, Rachel.

    My Sidney finds joy outdoors. Rocks, sticks, and leaves make him smile, which makes me smile. He’s super curious, and ever the observer. He loves nursing, and I love that we have this time together. He makes me sparkle.

Leave a Reply