Promises | Clean. @lusamama

Promises | Clean. @lusamama

Promises | Clean. @lusamama

Yesterday morning during farm chores the kids had a disagreement.

A big one.

Both of them wanted the favorite job, neither was ready to budge.

I value the skills that develop during these moments, so I let them work it out, instructing them to put down the pail until a decision they both felt good with was found.

Almost always this is a wonderful way for them to navigate their struggles.

Almost always.

Yesterday it just wasn't happening.

Though clever, viable ideas came into the conversation, both held fast to their own, not able to open to another's idea.

It was maddening (for everyone).

Finally I completely and utterly lost my cool, yelled, acted like a monster, and went inside.

Even Pete lost his patience.


Because yeah, some days are like that.

Even here.


When the kids came in we were all hurting.

There were tears.

Raised voices.

Sadness and anger and frustration and pain.


And then – somehow – we found grace.

We each got over ourselves and our need to be right.

We listened to each other.

We connected.

We apologized. (All of us.)


And as we gathered around the table for breakfast we found the space within ourselves to truly listen to one another.

As we joined hands in a circle, we acknowledged what went wrong. In ourselves and between us all.

We healed.


And then as we cleared the table and washed dishes together, each of us made a promise.

"To seek solution."

"To not yell."

"To be more patient."

"To not call names."

Small, simple, important promises. That all of us can keep.


And yesterday when struggles arose (as they often do) we recalled the promises we made.

And we honored them.

We searched for solutions together when challenges arose.

We stopped yelling – despite our desperation to be heard – and discovered that others were truly listening.

We were all more patient then before.

And no one called names.


Would I do things differently if I could replay yesterday morning's drama one more time?

Of course.

But were we able to find some real healing and evolution within a hurtful and messy day?

Most certainly.


And that, I suppose, it was growing up is all about. No matter your age.


Have a beautiful weekend friends.


So much love,


Edited to add: This morning was rocky, too, for one of our crew.

I felt my patience thinning, dealing with the same big and uncomfortable expressions.

Because come on. Let this day be easy.

And then, through the big feeling that were flowing we found what was really going on.

There was hunger. (Breakfast after chores? What was I thinking?)

And fear. (I think I lost my…)

And the feeling that someone wasn't heard. (Why do grownups always want thier way?)

And so we started again.

The journey we'll always be on, as we reach for more and deeper compassion.

More and deeper understanding.

More and deeper connection.

May it always be so.



6 thoughts on “Promises

  1. Jennie D says:

    Beautiful words as always Rachel. I have three children and although the youngest is only a year old and too young to participate, my older ones, (four and seven years old) have started having disagreements. I can relate so much to your post. For the most part, I try to model respect and patience, sometimes, especially when the stress creeps in and the baby has been up all night nursing (again), I lose it. Then we regroup, calm ourselves, and start again. I just told my husband that I really believe even with all of our shortcomings as parents, overall we improve each year and that is gratifying. Our family is evolving. Happy Holidays! (Also, on a side note, I am sooo in love with your holiday soaps and gifts. I kind of want to steal one of the gift baskets I have set aside for gifts and keep it for myself. I will show restraint though.) 😉

  2. Knitting Mole says:

    Thanks for this Rachel. Not that I’d wish your family any strife or pain, but it always makes me feel better and more connected to see that other families (especially ones I admire) go thru the same struggles as my own.
    We too had a mini row this morning as I was leaving for work (we blame PMS, he blames mine, I blame his!) but all was forgiven just a hour or so after I left the house. This is often the case 🙂 Time heals all wounds.
    Have a great weekend!

  3. Kim says:

    Thank you for sharing not only the wonderful, magical elements of your life, but also the tough ones. We had a tough day here yesterday and it is somehow comforting to know that we’re all on this parenting journey and we can all learn and grow from days like that.

  4. Kris says:

    Thanks for sharing this. A few friends and I have been talking lately about parenting and there seems to be a trend of increased frustration and decreased patience among all parties! This is a great reminder to pause and listen.

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