Yesterday Pete and I woke up to realize that it was our 13th wedding anniversay.
Add to that the six-years that we lived together first (what we refer to as the "living-in-sin" period) and we're somehow at 19 years of togetherness.
I can't imagine how that math is right, but yet, it is.
So at the last minute we called in to work and decided to spend the day together at home and in the woods, hunting morels.
The four of us. Together.
And though the day was up-and-down like any day is (with children. or adults.), it was the prefect representation of what the past 19 years have been all about.
Reaching for understanding rather than trying to be right.
Keeping our sense of humor when everything is going haywire.
Cultivating patience and love and taking care of each other.
Getting out into the world and seeking beauty all around us.
And all the while one of the readings from our quiet wedding in the woods kept going through my head.
Because all these years later, this is still what it's all about.
The Art of a Good Marriage
Wilferd A. Peterson
Happiness in marriage
is not something that just happens.
A good marriage must be created.
In marriage the little things are the big
It is never being too
old to hold hands.
It is remembering to
say "I love you" at least once a day.
It is never going to
It is at no time taking
the other for granted;
the courtship should not end with the honeymoon,
it should continue through all the years.
It is having a mutual
sense of values and common objectives.
It is standing together facing the world.
It is forming a circle
of love that gathers in the whole family.
It is doing things for
each other, not in the attitude of duty or sacrifice, but in the spirit of joy.
It is speaking words
of appreciation and demonstrating gratitude in thoughtful ways.
It is not looking for
perfection in each other.
It is cultivating flexibility, patience, understanding and a sense of humour.
It is having the capacity
to forgive and forget.
It is giving each other
an atmosphere in which each can grow.
It is a common search for the good and the beautiful.
It is establishing a
relationship in which the independence is equal, dependence is mutual and the obligation is reciprocal.
It is not only marrying
the right partner, it is being the right partner.
: : :
Sending prayers and blessings to Oklahoma today. Holding you in love and light.
15 thoughts on “The art of a good marriage.”
We did the same thing – realize with a start that it was our anniversary. Busy, busy May – so much going on outside that demands immediate attention. We were also fools to get married on Mother’s Day weekend, so there’s extra competition for celebrations. This year we talked of moving our anniversary date. We just might do it, too.
Happy anniversary to you!
The last line is the best! All great ideals. I have learned much about marriage in my life and most times, when I am frustrated with how things are going, I tend to think it is my husband and after some thought, I find it is me. We will celebrate 30 years of marriage in July!
Lovely! Love the bit about how the courtship should not end with the honeymoon- so true!
Congratulations, you are very lucky, and Pete too.
Happy Anniversary to you both! Indeed, a long lasting marriage is all about being the right partner! Thanks. My husband and I will be celebrating our young 7th year in June.
Beautiful! Happy anniversary!
I’m not yet married and I don’t know, it’s just not important to us. To us having a baby together felt like such a deep and endless connection meaning more than any nuptial ceremony.
But those words above, reading through them I almost ticked out the sentences, yes! It’s nice to read in words what we have figured out after a few years of being together.
Thank’s a lot for sharing!
It’s funny. Because I never viewed “marriage” as where it’s at. We weren’t even sure we were going to be legally married. And as you say, when it comes down to it parenting is a much bigger connection forever-more than anything else could ever be. Perhaps we should rename his poem “the art of a good partnership”.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
Congratulations, Rachel! We will be celebrating our sixteenth year of marriage this year, and it was lovely to reflect on your reading above, and think about which aspects came easily and which ones need more work. Wishing you happiness together for another thirteen years and more!
I’m sorry for not adding: Congratulations!
Whenever I read of happy couples (married or not) it makes me happy. Because it goves me hope. Yes it is possible. Yes it is true! Love.
Lovely post about marriage.
No comment, I just love your blog! 🙂
I am lucky to ‘ve found your blog.