You’re doing it right.

You're doing it right. {Clean.}

I have a secret for you.

You might not have been told this before, but it's about you. And it's true.

Ready?

 

You're doing it right.


All of it.

Every hard day when you lose your cool, every day when you've got it all dialed in. Every. Single. Day.

You're doing it right.

Life, parenting, everything.

 

Even when it's imperfect.

Even when it's hard.

Even when you feel like a failure.

 You're doing it right. {Clean.}

I know.

Somebody told you othewise.

And you might have even believed them.

But they were wrong.

This journey is meant to be flawed.

In fact, I think that's the point somehow.

 

I hadn't heard the concept of "mommy wars" until recently.

I didn't even know what that could possibly mean.

Because we're all on this journey together.

 

And yet we're all different.

Our goals are different. Our needs are different. Our kids are different.

Our lives are different.

So how could our parenting possibly be the same?

Am I the only one who finds the entire premise of "mommy wars" absurd?

I doubt it.

 

And everyone has advice to help you change the way you're doing it to be more right.

But you can't.

Because you're doing it right already.

 

So what do you say we stop telling each other how to do it our way, and instead start listening to each other's truths and struggles, heartaches and fears?

Because often we need an ear more than another voice.

Doesn't that sound better?

 

But before we do, let me share one last thought.

Perhaps the only advice that anyone needs.

It's simultaneously tiny and immeasurable.

And – I believe – helpful. To all of us.

 You're doing it right. {Clean.}

That advice is:

Listen to your inner voice.


Because you hold the key.

 

Does it feel bad?

Don't do it.

Or don't do it again. Or do your best to stop doing it.

Try. And try. And try.

 

Does it resonate with your soul?

Do that. No matter what the "experts" say.

Remember it. Believe it.

Hold it close and do it again and again.

 

Because you know the way. You have the map. It's there. In your heart.

And in motherhood your choice to co-sleep or not won't determine how fabulous your little one's childhood will be.

And breast or bottle, your baby can be fed with love.

And firm rules or utter freedom, your child will find a way to let their soul sing.

 

There is no expert on your family but you.

Trust that truth.

Honor it. Embrace it.

And allow others to embark on their own path.

You're doing it right. {Clean.}

So that's it.

All the parenting advice you'll ever need.

Does it feel right to you?

There is your answer.

And it's the only one you need.

 

Listen to your heart.

Because you, my friend, are the expert.

And you're doing it just right.

 

Love,
Rachel

 

Want more? You might also enjoy the post "There is No Label for What You Do."

32 thoughts on “You’re doing it right.”

  4. Holly says:
    Reply

    Love this post.
    I’ve been guilty in my time. I realized in the last little while that if it’s so important to me to not be controlling with my children, why wouldn’t that also apply to other adults to? – my husband, other parents, etc. Best to only concern myself with my own actions.
    Women have great power.. it’d be great if we started working together.
    Thanks for saying what needed to be said! ::hugs::

  5. Beth says:
    Reply

    Did you write this just for me today! I felt so guilty last night. “IF ONLY I WERE______!” Stories that don’t help me grow…thanks so much for this. Maybe this is the book you should write…the anti self help/improvement book!? My friend took a break from all her self improvement reading, etc and became a lot more peaceful. It’s hard for some of us to do. Thanks again!

  9. sara says:
    Reply

    maybe you wrote this to me, and maybe not, but this answered the question and the fear I referenced in my reply to your survey, and I’m crying now. thank you.

  10. Xan says:
    Reply

    love love love to you and your written voice! I’ve never heard of “mommy wars” either and I’m about to google it but I think I’d rather not. I’m guessing it an’t pretty. Keep walkin’ your talk beautiful lady xx

  14. Dreamer...Becky says:
    Reply

    +*+Thank you Rachel!
    Reading these words this morning, I was sure that this post was written for me…& so it is with tears streaming down my cheeks – I thank you…for your words, for your love, for your understanding & for sharing your ‘secrets’ with us! You are quite simply – AMAZING! (Oh & “mommy wars” – I’m afraid to even google it…it sounds to me like two words that don’t even belong together & like the last thing that any mommy needs.) So, my dear Rachel, I’m off to enjoy this Marvelous Monday & many thanks to you-I will be listening to my own heart <3

  15. Pamela R says:
    Reply

    Okay, it may seem cheesy, but one of my favorite books about families is Stephen Covey’s The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families. Chapter one is entitled “You’re going to be off track 90% of the time.” He explains using the idea of flying an airplane. ““… Before the plane takes off, the pilots have a flight plan. They know exactly where they’re going and start off in accordance with their plan. But during the flight, wind, rain, turbulence, air traffic, human error, and other factors act upon that plane. They move it slightly in different directions so that most of the time that plane is not even on the prescribed flight path! Throughout the entire trip there are slight deviations from the flight plan. Weather systems or unusually heavy air traffic may even cause major deviations. But barring anything too major, the plane will arrive at its destination.

    Now how does that happen? During the flight, the pilots receive constant feedback. They receive information from the instruments that read the environment, from control towers, from other airplanes – even sometimes the stars. And based on that feedback, they make adjustments so that time and time again, they keep returning to the fight plan. The hope lies not in the deviations but in the vision, the plan, and the ability to get back on track.”

    Okay, so that was a long way to say that even if we are heading in the right direction, we won’t be exactly on track most of the time. I love that idea. It feels like freedom to me!

  18. judith says:
    Reply

    Thank you ever so much! I am so glad that I tuned in this night. Because I am feeling bad, because I have had a hard day, because … And yoour words just touched a spot – they made me cry but I to me that only shows how right they were. for me. today. Thank you. And please keep that up. It helps, when it gets a bit tough over here and it makes me see the sunshine again. Yes, there will be another day when we can start again with a fresh, blank sheet. And it all can be different tomorrow.

  25. kris says:
    Reply

    A wonderful reminder. More mothers need to hear things like this. I remember being a new mom and people asking if the baby was sleeping through the night, eating on his own, isn’t he going to be stuck in your bed forever, etc? I made a habit to NOT ask new moms I met these types of questions, but simply, “How are YOU? Are you feeling supported? Do you have a community around you? Just do what you feel is best for your family” I think now, I’ll add some words from this post… thanks!

  27. erin says:
    Reply

    Thank you for your lovely words. On the roughest days of this parenting journey, I will come back to this and drink it all in. It is so easy to forget in the day-to-day.

  29. melanie says:
    Reply

    Thank you for being true to yourself regardless of what others are doing. This post was inspiring for me as I have just taken my daughter out of the school system and I am a single mother who runs a natural home child care..I have been told ” you can’t do it all” much to often!
    Big hugs to you!

  31. Emma says:
    Reply

    Beautiful post 🙂 I haven’t heard of the Mommy Wars before. That’s two things I’ve learnt from you this week. I had to google what curie point was the other day. Thanks Sage, I’m going to share that with my little peoples.

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