Are you enough?

 Hello, friends.

I first shared these words with you last summer.

And whether you've already read them or not, they might soothe your soul today.

Sending love to you this morning, across the cold November darkness.

 

Love,
Rachel

 Are you mama enough? {Clean.}

Sometimes you wonder.

After the hard days.

When you were not at your best.

You wonder, in secret, where no one will hear.

 

Am I mother enough?

 

Because you see them around you. Those other mothers. In your town and on your screen.

Gentle.

Peaceful.

Patient.

Kind.

 

They parent with grace and with joy.

Always.

In the flow. Harmonious.

Children smiling and holding hands,

while your kids whine and fight.

And your baby cries.

Again.

 

And you question if you even know what you're doing.

Because if you did, the children wouldn't argue.

And the baby wouldn't cry.

Constantly.

 

So you must be doing it wrong.

Of course you're doing it wrong.

Are you mama enough? {Clean.}

And so you wonder.

And you doubt.

 

Am I wearing her enough?

Am I breastfeeding enough?

Should we co-sleep more?

But sometimes you're all touched out.

 

Am I patient enough?

Present enough?

Nurturing enough?

But sometimes you just need a damn break from it all.

 

Am I good enough?

Am I strong enough?

Am I enough?

And then, probably, you decide that you are not.

 

Because sometimes you yell.

You say words you regret.

Because you didn't babywear or breastfeed or co-sleep at all.

Because sometimes dinner comes from the drive-thru.

And they watch too much TV.

Because sometimes the thoughts in your head are dark and shameful.

Because every day ends with regret.

 

And all around you are those mamas who make you feel inadequate without even trying.

Those mothers with stardust in their eyes.

And when you look at them you measure yourself and you know what you suspected all along.

You are not enough.

 

Sometimes you curse this life you made and all the smallness that surrounds you.

But mostly you curse yourself for your shortcomings.

And then the baby cries.

Again.

Or your children set to arguing.

Again.

 

And you know you're right.

Of course you're right.

You're not enough.

Are you mama enough? {Clean.}

Oh, but sister. Hear me when I say:

You are.

You are good enough.

You are loving enough.

You are mother enough.

 

You are brilliantly, beautifully – yes! – the mama your children came here to find.

No, you aren't perfect.

But none of us are.

 

No one has it all dialed in.

We have all made mistakes.

Even the "Dali Mamas" around you.

Oh, yes. This I know is true.

 

And every day you are learning and growing and evolving.

You are becoming.

And you are their mama.

The one they came here for.

 

And for all of your flaws, they are sheltered by you.

They know love because your love is fierce.

And they learn to get up when they fall and try again by watching you.

 

And best of all, they know they don't have to be perfect to be enough.

What a gift that is.

 

And also know this:

As that mama who seems to have it together, I have never been more humbled in my mothering than when I see you keep your head just above water as the rapids around you churn.

 

Yes, mama. I see you.

And I'm humbled.

 

Now it's time to see yourself.

 

So are you enough?

Hell yeah you are.

 

: : :

You might also love:

What I did not know: reflections on motherhood.

Behold: the power of cropping.

What I need.

Ten ways to rock your parenting, where ever you are.

There is no label for what you do.

 

And you can find more of my reflections on motherhood and imperfection here.

: : :

 

16 thoughts on “Are you enough?”

  4. Veronique Maes says:
    Reply

    I love your outlook on life and your values!Thanks for write it down!
    Every evening I ask my children (Elise 11y, Robin 9y)when they laying in bed: What was the most beautiful thing today that you have experienced? And then they tell me their story…
    For me, thats my greatest moment for being their mama.
    Greetings from Belgium, Veronique
    (sorry, my English isn’t perfect…)

  5. Rahel says:
    Reply

    My first time here too and thanks for that beautiful text. So much truth in it. There times I feel not good enough, many times I wish things could be different (for example I would like to be able to work less and be more with the kids), many times I am ashamed of the stupid words I said or the way I reacted… But then I tell myself to keep trying and improving and – no one is ever perfect. And after all, my kids love me and I love them a lot…
    What we see on TV, in magazines, read… is usually only half the truth- the nice part of reality- the difficult and hard part is hidden.

  6. Melanie says:
    Reply

    I needed to read this this morning. Last night, my ex mother in law attacked me verbally..she said i was a “shitty” mother because I homeschool my kids..that I am abusing them by keeping them home and that I’m coocooning them..that I am afraid of how smart they are. She went on to say a pile of other lovely things to me, but you get the idea. While I know in my soul that the choices I make for my kids are the best ones for our family,,, I can’t help but feel the hurt of her words. I was shaking most of the night. The one thing I take most pride in, she cut..deeply. So reading this post this cold morning really reminds me that yes, I am enough, and everything is as it should be. Your timing is perfect! Thank you for this!

  8. Mikaela says:
    Reply

    I am not a mother (yet), but I have been grappling with this very question today–Am I enough? Thank you for your beautiful, insightful words. Sending you warmth on this chilly November day!

  9. Knitting Mole says:
    Reply

    Thanks mama. After another tough weekend, I needed this. Bless you! This time its getting printed and put on our Manifestation wall (which I’m making this week! So excited!)

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