This post isn't about my cat.
But I'm worried about her. My-stomach-all-in-knots kind of worried.
She's been sick for two weeks. Really sick.
Stumped vet and teaspoons of broth kind of sick.
Wake up in the morning and hope she's still alive sick.
I'm doing the best that I can for her.
And yet I wonder how this knot I've been carrying in my stomach serves either of us.
I'm taking good care of her, yet I'm making myself sick at the same time.
Why do I do this?
In other (seemingly unrelated) news, I've recently been on the receiving end of two angry outbursts via social media.
(Stick with me for a minute. Because this will tie back to the cat and that knot in my stomach and yes, a fresh start in the new year in just a moment.)
Both outbursts were very random, came out of nowhere, and left me feeling vulnerable and wounded.
And they both left me wondering why on earth people lash out like this – to strangers or loved ones, in person or anonymously.
And then I realized – – their anger and my anxiety are one in the same.
Both are big emotions that hijack our bodies and our minds.
Both feel largely out of our control.
And both have a profound effect on our health and happiness and even our relationships.
We each have our achilles heel.
That thing we do, day after day, that doesn't serve us, or that down right undermines our success and joy.
For you it might be a short temper.
Or a need to be in control.
Or habitual irritation.
Maybe you're always the martyr.
Or always need to be right.
So what if this New Year instead of resolutions we simply acknowledged what we struggle with?
We owned it.
We searched for the gift hidden deep within.
We set an intention to move along a different path, one small and mindful step at a time.
What if we pulled it out into the light and said, "This is hard for me. I'm working on it."
Whatever burden you carry, what about lightening it just a bit in the coming year?
Because within each of these struggles are real feelings that need tending.
And often old wounds as well.
If you have a need to be in control of every situation, maybe your life has felt out-of-control for a long time.
If you are a perfectionist, maybe you picked up the message that if you don't do it all just so then you're worthless.
If you are hard on your kids, maybe you carry fears about their future.
If you constantly worry (ahem) maybe it means that are very sensitive and need to acknowledge that yes, the world can be a big and scary place, but also that things almost always turn out okay.
As for me, I'm reaching for a feeling of safety.
I'm asking myself what the worst possible outcome is that I'm worrying about, and then make a plan to move through what is – as well as what might be.
I'm reminding myself that things almost always turn out okay.
And I'm also reaching for compassion.
For those around me who are in the thick of their own struggles and lashing out through their words or actions.
I'm finding forgiveness and reaching for goodness in this brand new year.
What about you?
Is there something you're ready to pull out into the light this year?