I don't know if you will remember.
But I know that I will.
The way we tied each other's apron strings and sat in the sunshine on the kitchen floor, choosing a recipe that everyone would love.
Red velvet cupcakes colored with beet juice.
The way we laughed as we tiptoed around the kitchen, gathering ingredients.
How we whispered and we wondered if the boys would find us out and uncover our mission to make cupcakes without their knowing.
Our sweet secret.
The way you smiled when you licked the frosting off the beater.
And the way you saved one for Sage, because you always want to share.
Simple pleasures and a big open heart.
The way your sleeves always manage to drag through the batter, no matter what we're making, and you bring them to your mouth to "clean" up.
Better a life lived messy than a life not lived.
Everyday a delicious mess.
I don't know how much you will remember of so much of what we do – together – but I know that I will.
Perhaps this time we spend present and connected will give you strength. Comfort. Confidence.
Perhaps it will imprint on your soul and you will be present for yourself and for others as you grow.
Or perhaps this time is simply a strong, stable base on which you will stand as you leap, leap, up and away some soon day.
I hope so.
But for me it's more self-serving than that.
It's simply this:
I'm crazy about you.
And you are growing up before my very eyes.
So I will drink up every moment of your magic that I can while you're still here to share it with me.
Nothing could be sweeter than this.
So even in the midst of busy I will make time.
Time to laugh and love and be – simply be.
Each morning I will put down my work and snuggle with your brother as we talk about things that matter.
Like books and model trains and melting snow. Like everything and nothing.
And every day I will put down my distractions and look deep into your eyes.
You will talk. And I will listen.
And each night while you both are sleeping I will tiptoe in and kiss your scarlet cheeks and tell you how much I love you.
And when you ask if we can make cupcakes I will say yes every chance I get.
Because it won't be long before you won't have so much time for or interest in cupcakes.
I could have spent this hour checking email. Making a phone call. Or cleaning off that crazy counter.
But I didn't.
Instead I was right here, looking deep into your blueberry eyes, and laughing at our secret work of cupcakes.
And I will always remember.
And just in case – just to be certain – let's do it again tomorrow.
While we still can.
~ * ~ * ~ * ~
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25 thoughts on “I will remember”
Beautiful! I always wonder how much my kids will remember…I’m not very good at snapping picture when we are “doing ” and I fear someone forgetting…
She’s so big now! It almost makes my heart ache! Wonderful words Rachel! 🙂
Thanks for sharing this beautiful letter. Tears in the corners of my eyes……
One of your best posts ever.
This was truly moving. I’m tucked in bed beside my little girl, wishing I’d been more present with her today. Tears in my eyes. This time is so fleeting… Every day a precious gift. Thank you for reminding me.
Your connection with you kids is very inspiring, Rachel. Thanks for sharing – you have a way of making your ‘local’ situations ‘universal’ – a great gift to share.
As Laura Ingalls Wilder said.. it’s the little things after all.. (or something like that.) =)
I hope you guys have another great day!
So beautiful. Moved to tears. My own precious girl is almost 2. I can only imagine how fast she will be as big a girl as yours. So so fast.
This tugs at my heart…lovely Rachel. I should do more of this .
Thank you Michelle.
And that is what tomorrow is for. <3
Thank you Karen.
Yes indeed. And you have a great day, too!
What a gift it is to witness them growing up before our eyes…
So beautiful. Thank you for saying so eloquently what I feel almost everyday (except for the baking cupcakes and giggling part, I get a bit edgy in the kitchen).
Just yesterday I was looking–no staring–at my two children slurping homemade milkshakes, thinking how beautiful they are and wondering what they will remember, and wondering if my mother ever stared at us like that.
Blueberry eyes! Lovely!
Thanks for sharing.
Those eyes! Well, who couldn’t fall in there and want to stay awhile. Gorgeous.
Moved to tears…so, so true. And such s beautiful reminder as our days speed by. A million thanks for this. It truly tugged at my heart.
Beautiful post, Rachel. I am responding with tears in my eyes. Thanks for the reminder I need to be more present with my kids who are growing up way too fast. I think we will make some cupcakes the next chance we get.
My goodness Mama, you certainly moved my heart. Your son and daughter are lucky to have a mother such as yourself. Thank you for sharing.
So what your saying is…I don’t have to clean my counters? Woohoo! I’m all for that!!! I’d much rather play with my Teagie!
PS. that girl of yours has the most stunning eyes! never get tired seeing pics of them 🙂
How beautiful! I sometimes wonder this as well as I’m spending time with my girls. How much will they remember? I know I will hold all those memories with my girls in my heart, and I pray they do as well even if it is more in their subconscious. I think any mama who is so grateful for the gift of their children will definitely have implanted plenty of good memories for their kids to relish.
awwww. i’ll wipe away the tears now….
Such a beautiful reminder!! Thank you for sharing this precious gift with us! Our fleeting moments with our children truly are the most sacred gifts we have in life <3
This is so completely beautiful! I couldn’t have said it better. I have tears because it is EXACTLY how I feel about my daughter and our baking escapades. A friend shared this post with me and I’m so grateful she did. It’s just beautiful!! Thank you for writing.