I had a hard day.
She brought me flowers.
Because she always sees my heart, even when I lose my cool.
I hugged her close and thanked her and said, "So this means you still want to keep me for your mama, huh?"
She giggled at the absurdity of my joke.
And it was a joke but one with a shadow of truth around it.
I forgive others more quickly than I do myself.
If my children have a hard day I look for the need. I love. I nurture. I dig deep for patience, compassion, and empathy.
If I have a hard day I blame myself for not being enough.
Good enough, patient enough, loving enough.
It's no surprise that this strategy is not helping.
The truth is we all falter.
When our cup is dry, our days are long, or our patience is thin.
We stumble. We come undone.
And that doesn't make you a bad mother. It makes you a mother who needs care.
Sometimes then only one there to give you that care is you.
Because when you yell or blame or guilt or snap it isn't your truth.
It's not your path.
It's your heart's way of calling for change.
A change in perspective, a change in rhythm, a change in priorities – a change in something.
It's time you start answering the call.
As for me on my angry-hangry-grouchy day, I made a choice.
I slowed down. I ate better. I went to bed early. I turned inward, breathing deep.
And hardest of all, I set to work on forgiveness.
When the same triggers came up the next day I had more grace.
I breathed, spoke my needs, and reached for love.
I found humor, patience, and joy.
So the next time you start to unravel know that you are not alone.
There are countless others out there, fighting this hard fight.
Go inward. Accept. Regroup.
And be mindful.
And when you lose it (because you'll lose it), forgive, forgive, forgive.
Then as you reconnect and apologize for your mistakes, begin the hard work of doing better tomorrow.
And know that even in your unraveling you are the greatest teacher your child could ever have.
Because in your imperfection you have come to teach love, forgiveness, and second chances.
By how you treat yourself.
Now get out there and be awesome.
In your messy, imperfect, and beautiful way.
And always, always love. You.
Because even on your hardest day you are worthy of that.
19 thoughts on “For when you lose it (because you’ll lose it)”
What to say, except I think alike? Beautiful words of wisdom, as usual!
I’m inspired by you every day Rachel. Turning on the same compassion for ourselves as we do for others is an important aspect of self care. Thank you for sharing your life and insights!
Thank you for this. Taking these words with me today as I learn alongside my children!
Oh Rachel, you have such a great way of writing down exactly what mama’s need to hear. Thank you.
Thank you Rachel, thank you for this.
Thank you for baring your soul, again and again, and showing the world that it’s ok.
If your book is anything like these post you’ve been putting up over the last year then I can’t wait to buy it!
Tears… I really, really needed to hear this today. After several weeks with an extremely clingy and needy little one I need to remember to fill MY cup and FORGIVE myself when I am less than “perfect”. I am trying so hard on a daily basis to see myself through the eyes of compassion. It is not always easy! Thank you so much for your words of true wisdom. I will definitely read this post again and again!
Oh girl! This could not have been written at a better time. Thank you!!!
Such very wise and beautiful words! I wish every mother in the world could read this.
I lost it today – like total anxiety attack flip out. Turns out the mortgage company has not been pulling our direct withdrawl correctly. Good grief. It isn’t the end of the world, but I somehow turned it into that. Thank you for reminding me that we all sometimes come undone.
Yelling is not my truth but all too often it has been my reality. And I beat myself up. Which of course does not make things any better, or my voice any kinder. “It’s your heart’s way of calling for change.” Oh. Well, of course. Why didn’t I see that before? My heart has been screaming at me and instead of listening to it I have been ignoring it and telling it it is wrong and bad. That doesn’t work.
The paradigm shift has been swift and startling. With those eight words there is a little room for grace. I’m not a bad person, I’m a mom who has been so busy meeting everyone else’s needs I have ignored my own. So much so that I’m not even sure what change my heart is calling for. But today I am going to pay attention. Because yelling is not my truth.
Thank you for sharing so beautifully.
Kind words. Thanks Casey.
I appreciate the encouragement!
I hope things fall into place soon, Brynn. Hugs.
It isn’t always easy to know what change you need. But if you listen you will discover what will help. Blessings, mama.
Thank you thank you. This brought me to tears. Forgiveness and love of ones self as a momma can be hard.
Thank you for your honesty!!! Monday was my day. And you’re right, it takes me a while to forgive myself, especially since I’ve been dealing with some health issues and haven’t been my best…I’ve felt so guilty lately!!! And even tho I was warned when I took on homeschooling that there would be days like that, I never realized what a toll it would take on me. It’s always good to know I’m not alone. I can’t thank you enough for admitting that. It’s everything I needed to hear!
Yup, I’m there today too.