Yesterday morning I got real with myself.
I was on the emotionally wrung-out end of a few hard days.
You know the week. The one where if-it-can-go-wrong-it-probably-will and Mercury is in Retrograde (whatever that even means) and everything feels out of step.
But as I headed out alone for a busy day of work and errands I had a moment of clarity.
I saw what I was up to.
Because I had somehow become attached to the idea of my 'bad day'. I had sold myself a story and I kept retelling it and letting it sink in deeper.
I was having a hard day.
So instead of looking for an exit strategy I was looking for more evidence of that singular truth.
I was attached to my suffering.
The snow on the hills, the abundance of my life, the eagles against the sky. I didn't see them.
Instead I saw all that wasn't working.
Somehow thought I caught myself. I saw the trap I had become snared in and gave up, bit by bit, the attachment I had to that story.
The attachment I had to it being hard right now.
But first I gave myself permission to stay there if I wanted to.
Which, it turns out, I didn't.
I breathed a little deeper, I let my shoulders soften.
Nothing monumental, just a few baby steps back to center.
And before I knew it my day had turned. It wasn't easy, but it wasn't "bad" either.
It shifted. Because I shifted.
And looking back at bedtime there were many points of light and warmth in my day. More than I ever expected.
And maybe that's how it goes sometimes.
When we're ready to put down our burden of anger or sadness or suffering and just breathe, things start to shift.
Even if it's only our perspective.
Life is precious, fragile, messy, and real.
And I don't have any interest in squandering mine feeling sorry for myself or stuck in what's not working.
So today I'm looking for beauty. For ease. For a new story.
I'm scanning the sky. Not for storm clouds but for the glorious pink of the sunset.
Because today is only coming once.
And what I hold onto will determine the story I believe about this day. And about this life.
Only I can choose.
I think it's time to choose wisely.
I'm ready for the shift.