Yesterday morning I got real with myself.
I was on the emotionally wrung-out end of a few hard days.
You know the week. The one where if-it-can-go-wrong-it-probably-will and Mercury is in Retrograde (whatever that even means) and everything feels out of step.
But as I headed out alone for a busy day of work and errands I had a moment of clarity.
I saw what I was up to.
Because I had somehow become attached to the idea of my 'bad day'. I had sold myself a story and I kept retelling it and letting it sink in deeper.
I was having a hard day.
So instead of looking for an exit strategy I was looking for more evidence of that singular truth.
I was attached to my suffering.
The snow on the hills, the abundance of my life, the eagles against the sky. I didn't see them.
Instead I saw all that wasn't working.
Because, humph.
Somehow thought I caught myself. I saw the trap I had become snared in and gave up, bit by bit, the attachment I had to that story.
The attachment I had to it being hard right now.
But first I gave myself permission to stay there if I wanted to.
Which, it turns out, I didn't.
I breathed a little deeper, I let my shoulders soften.
Nothing monumental, just a few baby steps back to center.
And before I knew it my day had turned. It wasn't easy, but it wasn't "bad" either.
It shifted. Because I shifted.
And looking back at bedtime there were many points of light and warmth in my day. More than I ever expected.
And maybe that's how it goes sometimes.
When we're ready to put down our burden of anger or sadness or suffering and just breathe, things start to shift.
Even if it's only our perspective.
Life is precious, fragile, messy, and real.
And I don't have any interest in squandering mine feeling sorry for myself or stuck in what's not working.
So today I'm looking for beauty. For ease. For a new story.
I'm scanning the sky. Not for storm clouds but for the glorious pink of the sunset.
Because today is only coming once.
And what I hold onto will determine the story I believe about this day. And about this life.
Only I can choose.
I think it's time to choose wisely.
I'm ready for the shift.
Love,
Rachel
Very true and very wise.
beautiful words and a good reminder to stop breathe and reframe things, thank you for your words today
Beautiful. I really like the term “perspectacles” when it comes to shifting your view from the negative to the positive.
I’ve been trying valiantly to do so myself, and it isn’t easy to do. But so, so worth it.
Ah, thanks for this. I’m reading Eckhart Tolle’s “The Power of Now”, and this post, in a nutshell, is the sentiment. You summed it up nicely and in an easy to understand way. I like how you touched on having an attachment to the story. That’s something I’m working on, not just in present circumstances, but in past hurts as well. So thanks. Your words were just what I needed to start my day in the right direction.
Yes, beautiful! I am teaching a parenting class in La Crosse. The premise partly focuses on being introspective, engaging in self care.
If you don’t mind I’d like to read your post to my class next week. Also, loved the photo of the sun and the hills. I thought. Ahhhh, there’s my hills.
thank you for your words, your openness and sharing these glimpses into your struggles… your soul. reading your words helps me grow, too.
xo
Of course, Deb! I love it when people share.
This is so good Rachel. And what I love about it is that is seems completely doable, where I stand right now.
I have a well worn negative track in my mind that I am currently trying to re-wire, and some days it seems daunting, but your advice, and wisdom is so simple (unlike the book I am about to pick up from the library Cognitive Behavior Therapy for Dummies, I know dummies in the title kind of defeats the purpose…)
anyway, love this post. shared.
Yup, been there. I wrote a post early this week along these same lines. I’m able to pull myself back sooner than I did before and I love it. We’re going to have bad/hard moments, but it doesn’t have to take up our entire day.
Wonderful photos!
I haven’t read your lovely blog for a while. I used to wake up and read your beautiful words before getting ready for the day. i don’t know what happend, what distracted me..oh. a baby. 🙂 but gosh, today your words (as always), seems like you are speaking directly to me, to my soul. Thank you.
Thank you.
Looks like you had a beautiful day!!
Wonderfully said…
I think this post comes so well after the last one; this step of “getting back to the track” could be the 7th step to the peaceful parenting guide, don’t you think so ?
Thank you so much for this. Over the past couple days I have been dealing with the awareness of a possible/likely dairy allergy, and have been feeling mournful, angry, frustrated, and so not in control. But you’re right. I am in control of how I let this impact my days. It’s not going to be an easy transition. But it doesn’t have to be bad.
Off to bake some dairy-free cookies!